November | 2013 | It's Time To Lose Weight

I wish everyone who celebrates the American tradition of Thanksgiving a very happy holiday. I am taking this day to reflect. Today I have not indulged in overeating or eating anything that I will regret tomorrow. I have taken today off from celebrating while I hope everyone else has that holiday feast they enjoy.

It’s not that I am against Thanksgiving and the excessive amounts of food that everyone seems to think is necessary to have a good time. I just didn’t want to take part this year. There is much I have to be thankful for – a loving husband, a warm house to keep me comfortable in the cold weather, my two dogs who love me unconditionally – especially when I have food. It’s just that this year, I need to discover who I am. I’ve not figured it out after 58 years.

From an early age I have enjoyed eating. But as I got older, food became my friend. Now it is poised to be my enemy. I struggle with the need to eat to live but I want to live to eat. After years of losing the battle with my weight, my body has turned against me in other ways. Eating certain foods now brings discomfort instead of satisfaction. Wheat makes my stomach feel like I’ve swallowed a brick. Milk products make me feel bloated and gassy. Feeling lousy after eating foods that used to be comfort foods doesn’t work for me.

I think my obsession with food has been my cover up for feelings of loss – physically and emotionally. Now that I have had almost a year to deal with my thoughts in writing, I realize my relationship with food isn’t physically or emotionally healthy. Why am I relying on a piece of chocolate or a scoop (or two) of ice cream to make me feel better? The sad truth is that I have not addressed what is making me turn to food for comfort. I need to find a way to be thankful for the other parts of my life that make me happy and start to release those uncomfortable feelings that hold me to overeating and inertia.

I hope that next year that I will be thankful for the clarity of thought that eliminates food as a source of comfort.

Happy Thanksgiving!

It’s been three weeks of physical therapy. Minor successes have occurred but not enough to get me back in a full exercise routine. Three vertebrae refuse to behave. The muscles are loosening up and my ability to rotate side to side has increased. But I’m still “broken”.

What is good is that I am doing specific exercises to work through the back issues. This means that no less than three times a week, I’m exercising my body. That’s a step in the right direction. I thought exercise was hard enough for me but trying to do it when your body is not functioning at 100% is much more difficult. I have great physical therapists who give me great care. What I need is a body that is willing to heal faster.

One week, I actually felt a disc move in a way felt good and relieved pain. So I’m all on board with doing what the physical therapists tell me what to do. Having that immediate physical response to their treatment has made me a believer. What is more important is that they are looking at a long-term solution to keep me from hurting myself again.

To have others look at you and care about what you are going through is healing in its own way. After ever session, I come away feeling a bit better, even if only mentally. Even if it’s only my impressions, I feel that the therapists have “healing hands”. They work carefully and deliberately trying to make the things not working to respond. I think that kind of therapy has multiple ways of healing.

I’s important for me to remind myself that I will be on my own in a few weeks to keep up the momentum. I can’t fall back into my old ways. That’s what go me here. If I don’t commit now, I never will.

Three more weeks of physical therapy will tell the tale if this body can heal and get stronger.