Motivation and Energy

Blog Posts,

I’m not complaining but it can be tiring to be a caregiver. My husband is getting better but still can’t do everything for himself. My dog has bounced back with the energy of a pup. I wish I was so resilient. I lack energy and that has caused the motivation to decline.

I have managed to keep off the first five pounds. That alone is a major achievement when I can’t stay focused on diet and exercise. I have cut my calories back enough to keep from gaining weight but I need to get motivated again to keep up the exercise level. I manage to get in some floor exercises but the cardio is a lot harder to do. How can you spend energy you don’t have? This seems to be a never-ending circle.

I am practicing some techniques that are serving me well. If I eat out for lunch, I cut my portion in half from the start and only eat the half portion. I take the second half for another meal. That’s helping me cut calories each meal. I’ve also tried using a smaller plate when I eat. The portion control is working well. Now I need to rev up my metabolism and burn some calories.

I hope when the patients no longer need me as much I will be able to get enough energy to exercise more vigorously. I’m not letting myself slack on what I do. I still try to do what I can until I feel muscle fatigue. But there is a limit to what I can do until the exhaustion takes over and I feel like I need a nap. Well, I take a nap. I hope that doesn’t undo the benefits of the exercise!

The time will come and I will get back the motivation and energy to get this weight off. I promise that to myself.

 

When It Rains It Pours

Blog Posts

Once I decided to get back on track, there’s always something that tries to derail me. This past week, my husband had surgery. Tomorrow, one of my dogs is having surgery. As a caregiver, my thoughts are primarily focused on the “patient’s” care. That’s a sure path to falling off the road to weight loss.

There’s the 24-hour medication routine that sends your body into a sleep deprived cycle. Then there’s the ice therapy, bathing, dressing, etc. Getting up every few hours throughout the night for weeks at a time is one way for your body to fail at losing weight. Not enough sleep and your body starts to hold calories to make it through the rough period. I’ve decided that nothing is going to keep  me from losing this weight so I am trying different tactics to combat the pitfalls.

I’ve tried to make decent meals each day so that we both get solid nutrition. But that’s only one piece. If I’m not getting enough sleep, that’s only going to keep me from feeling weak. Napping has become a good friend. When you are too tired to take care of someone else, you are certainly too tired to take care of yourself. So I succumb to the call for sleep when I need it. I keep my iPhone set with an alarm for the next time medication needs to be given so I don’t miss it but I am managing to rest.

I think combining resting and eating right, although the temptation is to eat whatever you want when you’re focus is on someone else, has helped me stay the course. I’ve lost another two and a half pounds. It all counts!

How it will be taking care of a dog who cannot lick their incision in addition to the other patient, only time will tell…

What’s Going On?

Blog Posts

If you’re wondering where I have been and what I have done, here’s the scoop. I had a case of serious holiday blues. I know many people find it difficult to handle the holidays but I couldn’t get a grip on things for a while. Starting around Thanksgiving, my mood plummeted. I had trouble coping with every day life. And knowing that the holidays were coming whether I was ready or not made it worse.

I did speak to my therapist. She’s been my confidante since the early 1990’s when I was going through a bitter divorce. She probably knows me as well as anyone. Realizing that there was nothing I could do to change the circumstances of the situation (very long story), I had to do something quickly or be sucked under by the wave of depression that was threatening to drown me.  Then I read a quote by Lao Tzu:

“If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.”

Believe it or not, that simple quote helped me put things into perspective. I had lived in the past – all the losses and hurt that were pressing in on my mind. I needed to let go and live in the present. It was not an easy thing to do. I still miss those people who are no longer here – family and friends – but I need to honor their memories and move on. I need to let go of the pain from being separated from my children (part of the long story). Wherever they are and whatever they do, I am here to support and love them.

That led me to believe again that I could lose weight once more. On Christmas Eve, I made the pledge to start counting calories and exercising – like I should have done all year long. No sense in living in the past. I’ve been at it now for six days and I’ve lost 2.5 pounds. It’s a start. A new start for me.

Happy Thanksgiving

Blog Posts

I wish everyone who celebrates the American tradition of Thanksgiving a very happy holiday. I am taking this day to reflect. Today I have not indulged in overeating or eating anything that I will regret tomorrow. I have taken today off from celebrating while I hope everyone else has that holiday feast they enjoy.

It’s not that I am against Thanksgiving and the excessive amounts of food that everyone seems to think is necessary to have a good time. I just didn’t want to take part this year. There is much I have to be thankful for – a loving husband, a warm house to keep me comfortable in the cold weather, my two dogs who love me unconditionally – especially when I have food. It’s just that this year, I need to discover who I am. I’ve not figured it out after 58 years.

From an early age I have enjoyed eating. But as I got older, food became my friend. Now it is poised to be my enemy. I struggle with the need to eat to live but I want to live to eat. After years of losing the battle with my weight, my body has turned against me in other ways. Eating certain foods now brings discomfort instead of satisfaction. Wheat makes my stomach feel like I’ve swallowed a brick. Milk products make me feel bloated and gassy. Feeling lousy after eating foods that used to be comfort foods doesn’t work for me.

I think my obsession with food has been my cover up for feelings of loss – physically and emotionally. Now that I have had almost a year to deal with my thoughts in writing, I realize my relationship with food isn’t physically or emotionally healthy. Why am I relying on a piece of chocolate or a scoop (or two) of ice cream to make me feel better? The sad truth is that I have not addressed what is making me turn to food for comfort. I need to find a way to be thankful for the other parts of my life that make me happy and start to release those uncomfortable feelings that hold me to overeating and inertia.

I hope that next year that I will be thankful for the clarity of thought that eliminates food as a source of comfort.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Physical Therapy to Fix a Broken Body

Blog Posts

It’s been three weeks of physical therapy. Minor successes have occurred but not enough to get me back in a full exercise routine. Three vertebrae refuse to behave. The muscles are loosening up and my ability to rotate side to side has increased. But I’m still “broken”.

What is good is that I am doing specific exercises to work through the back issues. This means that no less than three times a week, I’m exercising my body. That’s a step in the right direction. I thought exercise was hard enough for me but trying to do it when your body is not functioning at 100% is much more difficult. I have great physical therapists who give me great care. What I need is a body that is willing to heal faster.

One week, I actually felt a disc move in a way felt good and relieved pain. So I’m all on board with doing what the physical therapists tell me what to do. Having that immediate physical response to their treatment has made me a believer. What is more important is that they are looking at a long-term solution to keep me from hurting myself again.

To have others look at you and care about what you are going through is healing in its own way. After ever session, I come away feeling a bit better, even if only mentally. Even if it’s only my impressions, I feel that the therapists have “healing hands”. They work carefully and deliberately trying to make the things not working to respond. I think that kind of therapy has multiple ways of healing.

I’s important for me to remind myself that I will be on my own in a few weeks to keep up the momentum. I can’t fall back into my old ways. That’s what go me here. If I don’t commit now, I never will.

Three more weeks of physical therapy will tell the tale if this body can heal and get stronger.

Physical Therapy

Blog Posts

The MRI revealed a band of muscle holding three vertebrae in place. That means they are not moving independently so I have pain when I try to move that area. So I started physical therapy. This will be the beginning of conditioning my body to get back on track. Once I conquer that stubborn back muscle and force it to release the hostage vertebrae, I would be foolish not to continue exercising.

That’s what got me into this predicament in the first place. My priorities were out-of-place. I put work first instead of me. If I had considered that exercising was more important than that time I spent working off-site, I wouldn’t be in pain. Standing in one place for hours at a time without giving my body recovery from the strain on my back has taken its toll.

I have done my physical therapy exercises, at the therapist’s insistence, every other day. My muscles need time to relax after being worked out very specifically. The exercises aren’t hard but they are difficult because I’ve let my body get to the lowest point of inactivity. How did I let such a great idea as trying to lose weight go to waste? I’m working my way back and once I get there, I’m going to keep moving forward.

That’s a lot of talk until I actually do it. But feeling the way I do – struggling to cross my legs and lean forward on a chair – made me realize that I am not doing myself any favors. I’m going to work at this as hard as I can for as long as I can. Sitting in front of a computer for eight hours a day and then coming home and sitting for more hours have not served my health and well-being.

I’m off to do my “bridges” and “leg crosses” to strengthen my back muscles. More to come.

Gluten-Free Sites

Blog Posts

One of the best thing about One Dish Cuisine, the local gluten-free restaurant, is that the owner tries to help people with allergies eat right. She provides a list of sites that are provide gluten-free information and apps that help find gluten-free restaurants.

The best thing about eating gluten-free is how the body processes the food so much better. ‘Nuff said. I can really feel the difference when I don’t eat gluten-free. Food sits heavy on my stomach. Sometimes if I eat wheat, I feel like there’s a lead weight in my stomach. My energy seems to lag and I generally feel lethargic.

I’m not saying that eating gluten-free will be the cure for everyone. But if you feel poorly after eating any type of processed food, grains that have been stripped of their nutrients (like regular white bread), then you should try just two weeks gluten-free. Clear your system of all gluten products – you’ll be surprised how many there are. Then eat gluten-free for the trial period. See if you don’t feel better, even if it’s just the intestinal relief.

I’m fortunate enough not to be Celiac but if you don’t know if you are, ask your doctor to test you. It’s just a blood test but it’s worth knowing to help yourself feel better. Food is such an important part of our lives. We have to eat to survive so we might as well enjoy it.

Now my challenge is to balance my enjoyment of food (because I love to eat) with the reality that I need to eat less and exercise more.

Health Risks From Not Exercising

Blog Posts,

I spent my afternoon visiting yet another doctor, this time, a D.O. (Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine). Apparently, I have arthritis in my hips and spine and it’s now causing me pain. Doctor’s solution – exercise. So I may not be able to allow myself excuses anymore.

So I’ve let myself become worse off than I was before I started this journey. Not that it wouldn’t have happened anyway. It just could have been easier on me if I had followed my original goals. Now I’m going to be “forced” into doing what I have needed to do all along – exercise with intent. How’s that for a wake up call.

I thought blogging about losing weight would make me more likely to actually work on it. But I was fooling myself. I’ve let myself risk my health and wellness by making excuses. How dumb is that? Now my body is forcing me into a place where I can’t allow that health risk to rob me of a full life. I’m not willing to let my health slow me down to the point where I can’t walk or need help walking. That will just make me feel OLD! And old is the last thing I want to be – at least not now.

There are too many thing that I have left to do. I want to travel and see the world. How awful would it be that I let my body breakdown to the point where I can’t get around to see the places I want to see. That is a wake up call. Generally, people don’t realize what they have until they lose it. I have an opportunity to help make things better by following doctor’s instructions. Is this the kick in the butt I needed? I sure hope so. I hate failing at something I should be able to be successful on my own.

After the MRI, X-rays, and physical therapy I will be able to judge the extent of the damage not exercising has caused. I’m hoping for the best.

 

Reality of Weight Loss and Workouts

Blog Posts,

I finally had to face it – I am my own worst enemy when it comes to my weight loss. Yesterday was my anniversary. I spent a lovely day with my husband. At the end of the day, I decided to broach the subject of my weight. I feel disgusted with myself for wasting nine months of the year without losing any weight. I know it’s my fault. I’m not many excuses. But I am asking for help.

My dear sweet husband, who loves me the way I am, understands how this torments me. He gently points out that I don’t push myself. And he’s right. I don’t. It’s not that I don’t want to work at it but I just don’t have whatever it is to make me stay on track. If I don’t get feedback – lose a pound or feel better – I end up making excuses and set myself up for failure. What will make me take that final plunge into dedication to diet and exercise?

His plan – to workout with me and push my limits where I won’t do it myself. I am wary of it because I don’t want to cause any problems between us. Am I just kidding myself that he can help me where I can’t help myself? I have to be willing to listen and follow his lead without the excuses. I want to replace the “I’m too tired” with “I’m ready for the next set”. But I’ve got to find the motivation and that’s where I hope he can help.

I have talked about meals and exercise but I am not doing what I should do – follow through. This is a painful cycle I put myself through. I knew when I started out writing about this that I had been down this road before. I had hoped putting it into words would force my hand. But apparently not. So here’s where I use trust. The one person in the world that I trust the most is going to get the test of a lifetime. I hope he’s up to it!

Weight Loss Doesn’t Just Happen

Blog Posts,

I have been on travel for the entire month and it really shows. This is the biggest reason I cannot lose weight. I’m out of my routine and I feel it. I have driven two hours each way to the work site and stay in a hotel during the week. I try desperately to eat well but I don’t get in the exercise.

I’m always inclined to say that my age is a reason but in this situation I believe it to be true. I get up early and get a good breakfast before the start of the day. I’m off to the work site which is very remote. I either need to bring my food or rely on someone driving into town to bring back lunch. Without access to any method of cooking, I’ve been eating sandwiches. I bake gluten free bread to take with me but even that has too many carbs. Snacks have been limited to fresh fruit. That’s good but not enough. My day ends at the work site around 5:30 but I have another half hour drive to the hotel and then look somewhere for dinner.

Dinner is always hit or miss. Even with the best of planning, it is not always easy to eat as well as I should. Even without a dessert, I am sure that restaurant meals have too many calories than I should eat. I even try to eat only half portions.

But my day is not done. I go back to the hotel to put in another 2-3 hours of work preparing for the next day. Working late hours, trying to get in at least 7 hours of sleep, and rising early the next day make for an exhausting week. I can’t find the time to exercise. Everyone says you can find the time. But I can’t find the energy after working 10-11 hour days. And it’s taking the toll on my weight loss and overall health.

One more week of this and back to the weight loss routine…